1. Start slow.
Begin by communicating solely via email. "Listen" to your correspondent's
words. Be on the lookout for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at
the other end may not be who or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If
anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and
protection. Conduct yourself and your romances in a responsible manner.
Don't fall in love at the click of a mouse.
2. Guard your anonymity.
When corresponding with a prospective mate, make sure you don't include
identifying information. Never include your last name, real email address,
home address, phone number, place of work or any other identifying
information in your profile or initial emails. Stop communicating with
anyone who pressures you for this information or attempts in any way to
trick you into revealing it. Take all the time you need to become
comfortable with someone before revealing any personal contact information.
3. Request a photo.
A photo will give you a good idea of the person's appearance, which may
prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling about your correspondent. In fact,
it's best to view several images of this person in a variety of settings:
casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If he or she continuously comes up with
an excuse, it may be because that person has something to hide.
4. Talk via telephone.
A phone call can reveal much about a person's communication and social
skills. It is worth the cost of the call to protect your security, but do
not give out your personal phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone
number instead. Only when you feel completely comfortable should you furnish
your phone number.
5. Meet when YOU are ready.
The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can gradually collect
information and then make a choice about pursuing the relationship in the
offline world. You are never obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your
level of online intimacy. And even if you do decide to arrange a meeting,
you always have the right to change your mind. It's possible that your
decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level is based on a hunch
that you can't logically explain. When you're not sure, go with your gut
instincts.
6. Select the safest possible environment.
When you make the choice to meet offline, always tell someone where you are
going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number
with that person. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home.
Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time when many
people are present, and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. A
familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a time when a lot of other people
will be present, is often a fine choice. If you decide to move to another
location, take your own car. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date
for getting together and say goodbye.
7. Take extra caution outside your area.
If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and a hotel
room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to
make the arrangements for you. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the
location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or
unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or
leave a message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family
member knows your plans and has your contact information. And if possible,
carry a cell phone at all times.
8. Watch for red flags.
Pay attention to any displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts at
pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making
demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior
are all red flags. You should also be concerned if your date exhibits any of
the following conduct without providing an acceptable explanation:
* Provides inconsistent information about age,
interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
* Refuses to speak to you on the phone after
establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
* Fails to provide direct answers to direct
questions.
* Appears in person to be significantly
different from his or her online persona.
* Never introduces you to friends, professional
associates or family members.
